Rage

My rage at life is huge right now. I'm so incredibly angry about the hands being dealt the people I love, and selfishly me too.

The crapstorm started last September when Thomas got appendicitis. 3 days in the icu 3 Weeks in the hospital. My husband humevacced off the submarine. Wondering every day what the new stress was going to be.

While Thomas was in the hospital a beloved friend discovered her husband had been molesting their oldest daughter how do you help that hurt?

Then when Thomas got home I was asked to resign from the volunteer position I loved, by someone I thought was my friend. It hurt. A lot. I isolated myself out of shame and hurt and fear, though I still feel it was unjust.

Then Thomas got mrsa, and Talon started having cognitive delays at school. The mrsa ended up being no big deal, and the iep meeting for Talon is next week... And I started school and was fighting through it, learning, making friends etc.

Then my dad died. The victim of medication induced suicide. And I felt like the ground had been ripped out from under my feet. Worse than when Theron (my son) Died. At least when Theron died I had dad. Now I worry about mom, and my siblings and my kids and me. I have rage from things other people said at the funeral, I have rage about things said after the funeral.

Then the petty stuff started...Tom's computer crashed. Taylor's car broke down. Tom went to sea. The cat has thyroid issues. The dog tore her acl. Taylor got a speeding ticket. The kids laptops broke. And I can't seem to do laundry, or dishes, or anything....& my kids won't even pick up after themselves.

But it's all petty, and I can't change what stupid heartless people said, I can't bring my dad back.

Then On Friday a very close friend was told she has a demyelination disorder. I'm terrified, and angry, because I love her. She's the kind of person I wish I was more like. Selfless and caring. And it leaves me with so much rage. I'm might just be at the end of my rope... Time to start weaving a new one...but all I want is to sleep...