The rest of the bullying situation with KMS & Trinity...

We met with the KMS Principal, vice-principal, and counselor March 23. The email I sent that morning with Trinity's statement was not received by any of the three (did it ever show up?). My printer had failed so I was unable to bring hard copies. Of course, when I arrived home the printouts were sitting happily on the printer. I read the first few paragraphs of the statement to you off of my phone. We got the correct names for the students involved. I took back printouts with his statement for each of you later in the day.

The Principal strongly feels that the school has not had a chance to address this issue at all. She appears to feel that March 23 for all intents is the first day the incident has been reported to them. She feels I made up my mind to request a transfer without giving them a chance. I personally count 5 chances so far.
1. March 9 The loss of the written statement Trinity provided you. I was not made aware of this loss until March 21.
2. March 9-14 The counselors failure to follow up on the written statement he gave the administration. The policy in place at the time did not call for any follow up. You have since made changes to the policies regarding handling of students written statements.

**At this point I did request a transfer, as the bullying had been reported and was continuing and there had been neither action nor contact from the school.***

3. March 14 The non-response to email sent that day. She says she did not receive it. She has received other emails from me since.
4. March 15 & 16 The failure to return my phone calls. She says she only received one message. I left several with the secretary. She says it is her policy not to contact parents until she has information from the staff, because of the lost note there was none.
5. March 16-20 The lack of follow up after my personal conversation with Mr. Breakey and Mr. Segur on March 16, where I was left with the impression the school would support a transfer. The principal says they felt there was nothing they could do to make me happy and were under the impression I would bring back a more complete written statement before any other action was taken.

I asked that she tell me how many more chances they feel we should give them, and how many more times Trinity will have to be insulted before she felt we had allowed the "process" to work. She said she could not give me an answer. I asked that a plan be developed to keep Trinity safe at school. She said that she hoped Trinity would be integral in developing that, but that such a plan could not be considered until the disciplinary issues had been dealt with. She then made suggestions such as having Trinity sit closer to the teacher, sit either in the front or the back of the bus and assign these boys to sit opposite him, leave class before passing, and spend lunch in the library.They suggested having him come back half days. She said all the teachers would be asked to keep a closer eye on these boys. The offer was made to transfer him out of one class that he has with several of the boys involved, Trinity enjoys that class so it was also suggested a seating change be made. She said they have good success in getting children to stop behavior like this, but that I needed to realize that different families have different tolerance levels for inapropriate language. I pointed out the student handbook considers swearing at another student an offense. There were also numerous recommendations made regarding Trinity fitting in better so he would stop being the target of bullying.

I don't want to be irrational. I want to do the right thing. I want to keep my son safe. Trinity teared up a couple of times while we were talking to you. The principal also said that by transferring Trinity we are denying him to opportunity to learn vital coping skills. The magnitude of this harassment is beyond the ability of most adults to cope with, much less a child. Tomorrow is the last day of school until April 4th. so I doubt anything more will happen with this until then. We asked you to keep us informed as to the progress on this. The principal reminded us that state law prohibits them from sharing the results of any disciplinary action with us. Thank you for your help, I appreciate it. If you have any suggestions or advice I appreciate that too. Please let me know if there is anything I misunderstood.



The next afternoon Trinity and I met with the Military Education Liason. This was her account.

I met with Mrs Grant and Trinity today. After going over all transitions and placements during the day, we figured out that Trinity felt that moving between 4th and 5th period was sometimes an issue with bullies, as well as 6th period and, esp. on the bus home.

Otherwise, Trinity didn't feel there was a problem at other times.

Mom was pleased to see that there were more limited times that he was having problems; she wasn't aware of this before.

We discussed perhaps having specific students (L and T) walk with him between his math and PE classes. We discussed having him sit close to the teacher and maybe with C in Art 6th period. And we discussed having (Transportation) talk to driver--having Trinity sit right behind driver, sharing seat with C; perhaps having several dependable kids sit behind that seat as a buffer from other students.

However, after discussing these issues and possible solutions, and discussing PAL or family homeschooling, it appeared that PAL or homeschooling will most probably be the solution for the rest of the year.

I can understand his refusal to return. Again, between transition/new home and school, deployment of stepdad, shared custody (summer and winter breaks), the bullying, his temperament and size--he has held it together for some time.

Certainly discipline issues should be followed up with problem students.

Just wanted you to know where things were heading.


This woman Heather, the Bangor Military Education Liason, is beyond wonderful. She sat down with us to pinpoint exactly when Trinity needed extra protection and came up with non embarassing ways to help Trinity feel safe. As she said he is still very wary. and understandably so.

March 24 We went in to KMS and attended Parent Teacher conferences, visited with 4 of Trinity's teachers, picked up school work he has missed. Specifically visited with the 6th period teacher, she was shocked that she had not caught what was going on and discussed specific ways to adjust seating so Trinity could feel comfortable.

We also discovered that the PAL program that the district runs, (it's their little homeschool program) also runs a district orchestra. We are so looking into that!! Trinity has a violin and wants to play more. We also got him a bike. It's a half mile to the gas station via back roads, so today when I needed something little for cookies off Trinity went on his bike. I was so proud of him. He really seemed to enjoy it. My plan is to build him up and try to help him learn social skills as much as I can, no matter what he decides to do.

The Vice Principal called Wednesday Afternoon to let us know they were making progress. He made sure to call both my phone and Tom's as well. He appreciated the detail in Trinity's statement. There's no school now until April 4th. So we'll see what happens then.

I want to thank all of my friends for all of their support and patience with my one track brain the last 2 weeks plus. You guys are awesome!!




April 17...
The school has talked to the boys involved. I'm told 10 disciplinary hearings were held and appropriate consequences were enacted. Trinity went to school half days half of last week and has gone full day this week. He says it's going fine.

The situation from my perspective...

On Tuesday March 8 we were at "Strengthening Families" a parent/child program designed to improve family relations. Trinity was especially non cooperative. Instead of focusing on the activity, (building a family shield) I put my arms around him and told him I loved him. At this time I noticed a long scratch on his head, ( I later realized there were in fact 2 of these scratches, but one was closer to the front of his head and longer). When I asked about it he told me he was being bullied. He and I discussed what was going on with the instructors there that night and I assured them I would be contacting the school in the morning.

On Wednesday March 9 I sent Trinity to school to give the school a chance to get the matter resolved. At 7:17 am, I started calling the school. I called again at 7:37, 8:40, 12:08, and 2:07. At no time was I actually able to reach Mr. Segur, the counselor whom I had been directed to contact with issues like this. I left 2 messages. At 1:50 I spoke to Trinity's math teacher. I told her what Trinity had told me. She offered to let Trinity spend lunch in her classroom if that would make him feel more safe. I told her I would share that information with Trinity.

At 4:37 Mr. Segur returned my call. I told him what Trinity had told me. Mr. Segur spent 7 minutes discussing this with me. I was told anything that happened on the school bus was not the schools issue and he advised me to contact the bus barn about those. He asked me to have Trinity come to his office at first passing the next day. Due to a meeting that was the first time Mr. Segur would be able to talk to him. He asked if Trinity could please come prepared with a written statement. I asked Trinity to do so, he did not.

On Thursday March 10 Trinity visited with Mr. Segur and gave him a written statement. There was no contact with me about the issue.

On Friday March 11 Trinity was still being bullied at the end of the day. There was no contact by the administration with me about the issue.

On Monday March 14 I chose to keep Trinity home and send an email to the superintendent as well as the principals of kingston, poulsbo middle schools. There was no response from the schools. Here is the email I sent:

Tuesday March 15th, 2011

"Dear Sir/Madam,
This a follow-up contact regarding the harassment/assault of Trinity Stracener. He is presently a student at Kingston Middle School ("KMS"). Several weeks ago Mr. Segur was contacted and informed that Trinity was being harassed and enduring physical abuse and intimidation by another student. Mr. Segur did facilitate peer mediation between Trinity and the offending student.

However, it would appear that other students are now continuing this systematic abuse and escalating it to include racial and homophobic slurs, as well as attacking his religious beliefs and making threats against his physical well being. Since enrolling at "KMS" Trinity's demeanor has changed. He has become withdrawn, agitated and his grades have suffered dramatically, beyond what could rationally be attributed to the onset of adolescence.

On Tuesday, March 8th, 2011, another student took a ball point pen and wrote on Trinity's head with sufficient force to break the skin and draw blood, leaving two approximately 3 inch long scratches. When Trinity objected to this treatment the student proceed to spit into his hand and rub the ink off of Trinity's head. In so doing, not only was Trinity assaulted, and denigrated in front of other students, but further exposed to harm by potential pathogens in bodily fluids. Upon hearing of this Mr. Segur was again contacted. He conveyed that he would get a written statement from Trinity which he did.

As of Monday March 14, 2011, there has been no additional follow-up by the school. The harassment of Trinity continued unabated through Friday afternoon. I could not in good conscience send hum to school with this unaddressed. There is clearly a caustic and hateful element at "KMS" which has elected to target Trinity for reasons unknown.

Both Trinity and his family have growing concerns and fear for his safety and well being in this septic environment. Having tried and failed to secure a safe learning experience for Trinity at "KMS" we are insisting on other options, beginning with a transfer to Poulbso Middle School.
We appreciate your help in providing Trinity with a safe learning environment.
Best regards,
Trina Grant "


On Tuesday March 15 I called Kingston at 7:52 to excuse Trinity's absence and informed the secretary of the reason, I asked to have the principal contact me. I did not send my son to school. At 1:46 I called Kingston again. I left the principal a voice mail. I also took a completed copy of the appropriate transfer paperwork to the district office. I left it with Jennifer Menne and emailed her a copy of the letter I had sent to Kingston Middle School, Poulsbo Middle School and the Superintendent.

On Wednesday March 16 I called KMS at 7:37 to excuse Trinity and gave the secretary the reason why, I asked to have the prinicpal call me. At this point I was told the prinical's father had passed away and she had been gone for a week. Mr. Segur called me sometime while my phone had a dead battery that day. He let me know that he had taken the written statement from Trinity and placed it in the principals inbox. He also mentioned she was out of town. I tried to call Mr. Segur back, I was unable to reach him.

At 3 pm I went to KMS. I waited in the office for Mr. Breakey. Mr. Segur showed up to talk to me. I informed him I wanted Trinity transferred to Poulsbo. I visited with the vice principal and Mr. Segur, they acknowledged they had failed to deal with the situation and appeared to accept my reasoning for transferring Trinity. Mr. Breakey asked for my permission to talk to Trinity via cell phone. I gave this permission. Mr. Breakey told Trinity the paperwork to transfer him to Poulsbo was "in the pipeline" and that there was "always an open door" for him at Kingston.

I waited patiently. There was no further contact with Kingston.

Jennifer Menne from the district contacted me daily to see if I had heard anything. When she emailed on Friday I called her to let her know there had been no contact with me from the schools at all. She said she would call Poulsbo for me. She called back and said the Prinicipal was glad she caught him and reminded him to send me an email. ...


"Dear Ms. Grant,
I am writing in response to your request to have your child transferred to Poulsbo Middle School. Prior to considering such requests we contact the home school and gather information regarding any incidents and formal interventions put in place, by the school staff, to address the situation(s) of concern. Following my conversation with the Kingston Middle School administration and counseling staff I have been informed that interventions have not yet been put in place regarding the concerns you expressed in your email. I am sorry, but based upon where you are in the process it would be premature for me to approve your request.
Sincerely, Matthew Vandeleur"

So, I'm understanding this to mean Kingston is insisting I have to send Trinity back to them? There have been no interventions because they ignored us entirely... I am sympathetic to the KMS Principals situation, but someone else should have taken care of it in her absence.

I have left messages with a local atty, but as it was Friday at 4 pm when they let me know they weren't going to accept him.... not a lot I can do until Monday. Because of Parent/Teacher conferences next week is a 3 day school week. Followed immediately by Spring Break. I have also contact my ombudsman and the Military Education Liason for the area. The Liason is also not available until Monday.

The bus stops at our house for Poulsbo Middle School. All of the kids at PMS attend North Kitsap High School, where Trinity is already slated to go. I will do homeschool before I send Trinity back to KMS.

When I grow up...

I am not the woman I wanted to be. I wanted to be awesome. I wanted to be beautiful. I wanted to be someone my children could confide in and rely on and count on. I wanted them to be proud of me. I wanted to be my husbands most trusted ally. I wanted to have a beautiful home. I wanted to be dignified and classy. I still want these things.

My thirteen year old would rather not acknowledge I exist. My twelve year old has been getting picked on daily in school and I only finally found me about out because they broke the skin and I saw the wound. My fifteen year old thinks I've failed him because my husband insisted we get rid of one of the dogs. My seven year old screams hysterically when asked to do chores and has been sent to the principals office for a temper tantrum.

I wanted to be awesome. I'm not. How do I change that? I don't seen top know the rules to be cool. What does it take?

Random..

Today is Dr. Suess' Birthday. It's also my 4th son's birthday. He's old. I read interesting blogs on the internet, and think to myself, I like writing, I have interesting thoughts.... I should blog more. but then I sit down to type and my mind and my fingers go blank. I have interesting friends, and I mean that in a good way. heck, I have friends... I'm tempted to take out an airplane and have it written in big white fluffy letters... "I have friends" and they aren't insane...well, maybe they are, I now have them trained to tell me if there's a stop sign or a red light.... well, some of them. I have also taught my children to tell me when the light turns green. I'm too busy looking at the trees, or the pretty, interesting thoughts in my head. Seriously, I start thinking and it completely entertains me.

The boys are becoming increasingly involved in sports, after this saturday I will have 3 in a sport, 2 in baseball and 1 in wrestling... and I'm supposed to find out about spring soccer and wrestling for the other 3... cause I"m not already busy.. I'm going to see if I can write an entire post without saying lol.... So, if I have a blog, what kind of blog should it be? I read interesting ones that comment on life with children, life with husbands, society, all that sort of stuff, and they are fun. But then I read others that are hilarious talking about cake and monsters in the closet...and I wonder, what sort of blog do I want to have?

Right now the price of gas has me concerned. I may have to become a hermit. and I don't want to be a hermit. I like people. I like hanging out with people. and that requires driving. which requires gasoline.