Babies babies everywhere but not a one for me.

they say to have a child is to forever have your heart walking around outside. so how do you get past losing one. every summer for 8 years now I've had to let my older boys go to NM and it hurt. every year I cried for a few days ate some ice cream and pouted till they got back. but Theron's return flight hasn't been scheduled cause "No man knows the day" and I hate waiting. I WANT MY BABY BACK NOW! Yup, we can schedule the 2nd coming for this weekend, heck tomorrow's ok too. I wonder if he'd be walking by now? is he a serious soul? or a happy giggly spaz? what will his laugh be like? 9 months to gestate a baby was hard enough but this total lack of deadline is very frustrating. I work better with a deadline.

everywhere I go lately there are babies.... and they make me sad or something... angry? hurt? am I broken? I accept that this is my new reality. but dangitall I feel crippled. must heal.

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