It seemed like a good idea at the time....

..... In an effort to maintain continuity for the boys I enrolled them and have been driving them to the school they would have attended had the purchase of the home we had a signed contract on for the last two months... that's right, I said HAD... The sellers of the home we wanted to buy found a way to save their home. Oh, how I love short sales. So they get to keep their house after not making payments for a year and a half and I'm looking for a new home. I put an offer in on another house, but we are the backup offer, and only if the financing of the first buyer falls through (which they do suspect it will) do we get to buy the home. I say I put the offer in, because Tom is out to sea, and has never been inside this house. I wanted to put an offer in on it before he left, I really really like this house, but they want too much  money. So I was advised to let the house sit for a bit before making an offer.... well, I'm still offering the same amount of money I was willing to pay in the first place, and the seller told my agent that they like us the best, but I'm second in line. sigh.

Meanwhile, I'm driving between 100-125 miles a day to take the kids to and fro from school, track, scouts and church. I'm spending 4-6 hours a day in the car. It is taking its toll on my mental state. But the kids seem happy.

Fish or Fowl?

I sometimes feel like there are two distinctly different personalities living inside my head. One loves all things outdoors and wants to spend her time catching fish, hunting and being in the great outdoors. The other longs to be a domestic diva, sewing, and cleaning and crafting her home into a heaven on earth. I long to have beautiful music in my home, and to create that music. I want order and structure, tidiness and contentment. Yet I get spun around in my head and end up spending the day watching 15 episodes of bones on netflix... or taking a 2.5 hour nap. How do I get myself to stay on task?

As a fish, I try to leap into the air and fly, I succeed for a few brief shining moments, only to fall back into the water struggling to breath, left with only the memory of the few moments I was flying....

As a fowl I dip over the waves, and plunge in, only to find I am not a fish... my wings are ill suited for swimming, and I am left paddling around on the surface like a lame duck, never truly experiencing the freedom of diving into the water and freely swimming.

Maybe there is a way to transform myself into a diving bird? so I can experience the aspects of all the things I love. This is what I must search fro.

Back to being homeless...

Well, not really, we still have the rental house, but our seller has officially decided to not sell their house... They have not made a payment in a year and a half... but hey whatever. So now I have children in schools, and am making this massive sacrifice to try to keep their lives from being to chaotic and I have no idea where we will end up living. Granted, most of the homes we can afford are in this school district.

But because of where we are living I'm afraid to even let people know the house has fallen through, becuae we are living outside of the school district and I don't want to have to go through all the enrollment stuff and the kids are comfy where they are and I don't mind so much driving them the rest of the school year, and then having them start wherever next fall. grrr so annoyed. I have school staff on my friends list.. so I'm afraid to even post on facebook. sigh. what to do what to do.

Jerks. They've known for a while they were not going to sell. they should have been more honest. I'm angry with them. and worried about stressing my kids and..... just frustrated. I want to be able to unpack!!!!